Pseudo-Live Blog: "The Incident" SEASON FINALE!!!

Holy crap, I can't believe we won't see LOST again for another eight months (at least)! It's been a good night so far - Angels beat the Red Sox, Kris Allen beat out Danny Gokey... let's keep up that winning streak and have this be a fucking AMAZING episode of LOST!!!

• Previously On: Awww... Daniel..., he's telling them how to NOT have the plane crash into the island.
• And now, there is a spinning wheel? What. the Fuck. Should be expected though, right?
• Wait, what did that say? Must rewind and pause. Oh, it's totally illegible. Some weird kinda language.
• Must say, never seen a spinning wheel in action before
• Who in the world is this?!?! Jacob, perhaps?!?!!? The FIRST islander? It looks kinda old-timey, with the sailboat and everything...
• Who's the friend?
• Oh, ship... not sailboat. Ship, with sails.
• Maybe this is the FUTURE...?
  
• "Do you have any idea how badly I want to kill you?" - Man #2. Geeze.
• Loophole? So he CAN'T kill him!
• So it IS Jacob!!!! I KNEW it!
• WEIRD STATUE!!!!!!!!!

This is looking pretty good so far...!!!!!

• Cornfields. Iowa. Must be Kate-related.
• Must be her friend, that she loved, then killed. Well, sorta killed. GOT killed, actually.
• Five-finger discount, eh? She started her life of crime early. And I love that it's an NKOTB lunchbox.
• WTF?!?! JACOB PAID FOR THE NKOTB LUNCHBOX?!?!?!
• No, she's not going to steal, she's just going to kill her stepdad and become a fugitive.
• Ugh. Kate bugs. Sawyeret for the win!!!
• "We were happy in Dharmaville before you all showed up." You tell that bitch, Sawyer!
• 20 TON BOMB
• So... Daniel left instructions on how to extract the core... eh???
• Whoa. So she's prego with Dan-o. Dude, Daniel Faraday was NOT less than 30 years old when he got to the island. COME. ON.
• So, someone is a little ambitious, eh?
• And now, the trek to find JACOB.
• Ben's healing quite well.
• Yeah, just like Richard, I'd like to know how John's alive, too!
• Touche! Richard's never seen someone 'come back to life,' and John's never seen someone who doesn't age. Way to speak to the fan base.
• So, John wants to THANK Jacob. With all the other people in tow. Then he wants to deal with the peeps in '77. Hm.
• Ugh, these guys. the 'newbies' who didn' tprove to be much of anything htis season. Whoe the fuck are they? Jacob lovers? They think maybe that whatshisface is a 'candidate.' (I can NOT remember his name for life of me. I'll just call him El Capitan.)
• What IS in the box? The bomb from '77????

I bet that's what it is, which means that Jack was unsuccessful...

• And who's funeral would that be? Sawyer's dad's? Maybe? I bet.
• Oh no, duh, stupid. Saywer's dad killed his mom. Duh.
• John's??? Oh, never mind. It IS Sawyer!!! I should stick with my instincts!!!
• This relative has pretty good advice, but man, nobody listens to the grown ups, do they? He sure DOES finish that damn letter. And he sure DOES hold on to it.
• I wonder why they even need sedatives at all? Is it really that bad of a ride?
• Yeah, Sawyer doesn't have anything to get back to if that flight lands in LA.
• Juliet! What the HELL!
• These guys are BAD. ASS. (But the CGI isn't.)
• And yet, I feel like this will all go horribly awry...
• So Richard has visited John three times?!
• And Jack says not to give up on him? He's a changed man!
• Yeah... why hasn't Ben told Richard about John's plans to kill Jacob?
• Ha! Yeah, right. Ben's going to do what John says no matter what. Ha.
• Oh, I LIKE that. Ben doing John's dirty work!!!

• Are you telling me that Jacob doesn't come to Sayid until he's a GROWN up? And that Nadia is killed in a hit and run? But I thought that she died because... oh wait, Ben told Sayid that other people were responsible for her death. Fucking Jacob. His fault that Nadia died. He's EEEEVILLLLL.
• Eloise is a hard-ass.
  
• Oh! And Richard just pistol-whipped a prego! What?! Sheeze.
• What the HELL. Sayid got SHOT?! With a nuke on his back?
• Shoot-out in Dharmaville!
• And Hurley and Jin are to the rescue!!!

GEEEZE!!!

• Is that Juliet regretting the decision, or regretting that freakin' Kate is with them? I bet it's the latter.
• And what the FUCK is Vincent doing there?
• And what the FUCK are they doing with Bernard and Rose?!?!?!
• And why the FUCK is Bernard so fat?!
• "Because we're retired." - Rose. Probably going to be the best line of the episode. Guaranteed.
• Rose is a smart one. She says it like it IS.
• Dude, it disturbs ME that when Bernard said they just cared about being together, Sawyer looked at Kate. Imagine how poor Juliet must feel!
• FIVE MILES?!
• I love that they bring Rose and Bernard back every now and then. They know how to please us fans.
• OH! If what's in the box is NOT nukes, is it John's body?
• I like El Capitan's assessment of "We're the good guys."
• WHOA. So these guys know how to get to Jacob's love shack, eh? What. the fuck.
• Who dis be?
• Nadia? Does she have reconstructive surgery to become Ilana? Or is she just Ilana?
• She's just freakin' Ilana. And she apparently already knows who Jacob is. GAH.
• Aha. So they gotta find that huge ol' statue.

• Mmmhmm... Jacob was htere when John fell. I mean, got thrown out of a FUCKING WINDOW.
• And yet, John want so kill his ass. Kill it. Not kiss it.
• Wait. So Ben admits that he was PRETENDING to talk to Jacob. Is this all true?
• "So yes, I lied. That's what I do." I love Ben. I LURRRV Michael Emerson.
• Wow. John has a VERY good point. Why WOULDN'T Ben want to kill him.
• Oh my goodness! Aaron's cradle!
• Charlie's RING!!!! I miss CHarlie!
• Aw... SunJin! JinSun! Almost brings me to tears. ALMOST.
  
• Lemme guess... Jacob is there.
• I koinda hate that Jin was totally cuckholded by that bitch.
• And yup, Jacob was there. Wedding crasher.
• Oh GAHD. Three people can stop one van!?

• The four-toed foot!
• WHAT? Jacob lives in the foot? Is that like the old lady who lived in the shoe?
• Another Jack-Sawyer face-off... Hm. That five minutes could be Sayid's LIFE.
• Oh, this is that story he told Kate.
• And do NOT tell me Jacob is there.
  
• Ah, he's there after. Like he's her father or some shit. Or, he's just THERE.
• I love how Jack tried to impress Kate with a story that was so less than heroic. He didn't make himself count to five. Typical guy - to lie to impress a girl.
• And yeah, Jacob was there afterward.
• Sharing is caring, ain't it, Sawyer.
• "I don't speak Destiny." - Sawyer. Ok, maybe THAT is the best line of the episode...
• That's right - what does Jack want from all this?
• Kate. He had Kate and lost her. He doesn't want to have to deal with that. He wants to erase it.
• And then they fight? What the hell.
• WHOA! A kick in the balls! DAMN Sawyer!
• Juliet is one fickle bitch. Sheesh, woman!

• So even Juliet gets a visit from Jacob?
• Hell yeah, he has a right to know why she changed her mind.
• "If I never meet you, then I never have to lose you." Oh god, that breaks my heart.
• Radzinski - that's the crazy one with the glasses. He's the one that blows his brain out. Ha! He's a stupid fucker. He's the one who causes the 'incident.'
• Yeah, bitch. Wipe the blood from his wound. Hurt him even more.
• I heart Matthew Fox.
• Oh shit. It's happening. The Incident.

• When he goes to jail? For the Sayid incident?
• Damn Jacob. He's seriously evil. I think.
• Fuh-reaky! "I was waiting for you, Hugo."
• CHARLIE'S guitar!
• Kiss her! Damnit, why didn't you kiss her!!!
• And then they went into Jacob's home...

• DUDE... Miles is smart.
• Shoot-out at the Swan. Good thing they all know how to use guns.
• Whoa. Intense. Emotional. And... nothing?!?!
• Shit, Jack got hit! Marvin Candle lost his hand!
• And stupid ass got impaled!
• No! NOT JULIET!!!!
• I'm going. to. cry.
• I'm crying. That HURT.

"I love you, James. I love you so much..."

• Ricardos, huh.
• Some unintelligible language...
• What the hell is in that stupid box?!?! It's someone's body. Has to be.
• DID I CALL IT OR WHAT!
• So... lemme guess... Is "Locke" Jacob? Holy Fuckery, what the hell is going on?!?!
• And I'm still reeling over Juliet's death...
• Loophole?
• Have I mentioned how much I love Michael Emerson?
• "What about you?" OUCH.
• Wow. They actually did it.
• And I'm sad all over again that Juliet is down there. Oh! but not dead... yet...
• Set it off! Set! IT! OFF!!!!!

Wow. That. Was fucking. INCREDIBLE.

Pseudo-Live Blog: "Follow the Leader"

Yay! Someone commented on my blog this year! Someone's reading this besides me! Yippee!!! Let's get on with it then, shall we?

• Previously on: John Locke died, but he's on the island; Ben has something to do with something; Faraday explains how to change the future - or is it past?
• Back at the last scene from last week - WHY are they making us watch this again? I don't want to see - ugh.
  
• Whoa, Jack just got rifle-whipped by Widmore. FUCK he's totally yucky!!!!
• Haha, Kate wanted to lie to them, and Jack told the truth. That was pretty funny.
  
• I like how it's not just your typical flashback/flash forward - it's YEARS between them.
• Ok, so this is present day, and John Locke has found The Others.
  
• I still don't get why Alpert doesn't age...
  
• What the hell errand does John have to run with Alpert? And is that something different the fact that he DIED? Or that he really does have a purpose? And what is the purpose?
• Ben don't look so good. At all.
• I forgot how Sun - oh yeah, they were in the cottages and found that picture?
  
• WHAT THE FUCK - watched them all DIE? Richard - what the hell are you saying? Oh GAAHHHHD...
  

Ok, I know that I overreacted. Clearly, there is an explanation for what he just said. Clearly. Right? They didn't really all die. In 1977. Right?

• So that scene with John/Alpert/Ben/Sun was not so eventful.
• NOW we're getting somewhere. Jack is still getting his face bashed in. Please, please Others, don't mess up his pretty face. It's too pretty...
• Kate has a great point. And, duh, you know that she was a fugitive. She would have gone to JAIL. Of course she doesn't want to change the futurepast.
• This Eloise has a very strange face. As if she's molded from wax or whatever.
  
• Wait, that's not true, Jack. If you do what's in that journal, doesn't that mean that only the 'future' will change?
  
• BUT then, if the future changes, there's no need for Daniel to go back, and therefore he won't die.
• Great. Now Sawyer is getting his face bashed in. WHY are you ruining the handsome faces? WHY?
  
• I thought these Dharma people were all about peace, love, and something. Well, yeah, we've already seen they're totally not.

Oh yeah, and the Dharma camp is atop the bomb Jack needs. Convenient.

• Yuck. Poor Sawyer.
• Horace has a point. Stop making his face ugly.
  
• Man, that guy is a Class A Douche for hitting Juliet like that.
  
• Back at the camp... Hurley steals food, the two Asians become the three Asians.
• And Dr. Chang/Marvin Candle just realized that Miles is his son. He's actually going to listen to what Faraday said.
• Back in the future... John is the leader. And I echo Ben's sentiment - "What plane?"
• Oh right. The PLANE.
• What the heck.... John is telling Alpert how to tell himself what to do? Fuckery. Fuckery!
• And the shit-eating grin on John's face was priceless.

• I don't remember how John got shot...
• "How did you know H'wen to be here?" - Ben
• Ah, cool how we heard him disappear.
• Why does Richard seem shocked that John has died?
• So now Sawyer is making a bargain. He and Juliet on the sub in exchange for info.
  
• He's not going to tell them where the hostiles are - he ran cons... come on.
• WHOA. I coulda sworn Kate got shot! Sayid to the rescue! Almost forgot he was there... oops!

Not going to lie, I'm pretty freaking sleepy watching this. I need to power through the rest of the episode, but it makes it very difficult to type!!!

• So the three Losties are conferencing. And Jack of course thinks he's right again - he's certain of it. '
• They are making people get on the sub now, and Miles sees his dad yell at his mom to get her off the island.
• Sawyer wants to pull a Biff and place huge bets on games.
• I wonder if the sub really will take them somewhere else... hmmm....
• This whole swimming to get under a tunnel, or whatever thing is pretty crazy. Wait, is this where Adam & Eve come from? Remember from eason 1? Adam and Eve?
• Oh the tunnel thing - Matthew Fox was talking about that being a risky/scary stunt.
• (Wow, this sleep is really getting to me.)
• I think I totally missed what happened to Kate. She left, but why again? And where to? Ugh....
• It's really weird to see Richard the same age 30 years apart.
  
• John's a really weird leader. Definitely wet behind the ears. That's what I think, at least.
• Yeah, I'd like to know why Jacob's whereabouts are secret too.
  
• Dude... this better not be like the Wizard of Oz, where there is no Jacob, and it's just some weirdo.
• Ok, so did Ben mean kill him in the future? L.A. future? Or kill him on the island? Which time that he tried to kill him???

• Back in 77. Sub time.
  
• Whoever thought Juliet and Sawyer would be so much in LURRRRV?
• Oh CRAP. And the Sawyeret is threatened once again. FUCK. I hate this. I want Juliet to be happy for once, the poor thing. And I'm pretty sick of Kate right now.
  
• Wow, that CGI doesn't look good at all. I'm too picky.
  
• This is one weird little lair they've got going on here.
  
• "Now what" is a good question, Eloise.
• Wait, so didn't they start their trek the night before?
• Nice CGI'd clouds. Did they really add to the atmosphere?
  
• Oh Ben, you big bullshitter.
  
• Yeah, why ARE they going.... so he can KILL him? WHAT?!?!

Dude, even BEN had a funky look on his face. Next week is the finale - that is nuts!!! I can't believe it. It makes me sad. I'm too tired to be funny or anything similar at this point.... :-/